Things you ought to know by now

 

With the best intentions:

 

• Somewhere along the line, people stopped listening to their elders. That’s a mistake. Chances are they’ve already been through what you have yet to go through, and they’re happy to tell you if you’ll just accord them the courtesy of listening.

• Patience is a learned skill and the mark of a well-operating mind. Exploding in someone’s face tells everyone everything they need to know about you.
   
• Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is another idea that’s gone by the boards. These days, it’s fashionable to be quick to blame, as if assigning blame ever solved everything. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt shows you’re willing to take a risk. You can always retract your extension of good will later if it didn’t work out.
   
• If you are the recipient of an angry email, regardless of the topic, don’t answer it immediately. Think. In one of my corporate jobs I reported to a former monk who got out of the business because he wanted to start a family. He was a smart man. One of the things he taught us, regarding email, was to “sit on it for 24 hours.” You’ll come off sounding wiser, more measured and patient.
   
• In business, during a skirmish, never fire the first shot. However, don’t just sit there and take it, either. Defend yourself strongly, in a clean, above board, beyond reproach way. Once your opponent knows you’re not going to take it, he or she will back off.
   
• It is not chauvinistic to hold the door for someone, regardless of gender. It is polite.
   
• A friend of mine put it this way: “Don’t spend so much time looking in the rear view mirror. What’s done is done. Instead, notice how small the rear view mirror is in respect to the windshield. Stay focused on what’s coming up and you’ll have a better chance of getting it right.”
   
• Another friend, a Vietnam veteran, told me that you have to make your own luck. Don’t be afraid to improvise, innovate and generally step out of line if you think you’re being led down the wrong path.
   
• Learn to like yourself. That’s how you build confidence.
   
• Don’t abuse your friends on Facebook by using them for personal gain. Facebook wasn’t meant to play into the hands of the narcissist, yet I’m seeing a lot of it lately. Friends are just that – don’t forget it.
   
• Learn to be an active listener. If you can accurately repeat what someone just told you, it demonstrates you’re actually paying attention.
   
• And finally, don’t tell yourself “no.” Let someone else do that for you.