Vignettes

Is it just me, or:

• Are you, too, losing your resistance to the cold? I have no memory of winters this cold and unforgiving. I work for a hospital group and it seems our emergency rooms are all reporting increased incidents of patients with COPD, the same thing that killed Leonard Nimoy. I used to walk outside for exercise; not any longer. It’s all I can do to stay warm.

• ·         Is this a great idea? My wife and I take different freeways to work, but it seems there are enough people who dart in and out of traffic and text while driving to cover both freeways. My wife’s idea is to invent a screen that would fit over your front windshield and print what you say, in reverse type, so the person in front of you could read it in their rear view mirror. “Quit texting and drive, jerk” immediately comes to mind. I can see me getting into a ton of trouble with this, but having a good time all the while.

• ·         Are you going to vote NO on May 5 to increase the sales tax to fix roads? A gas tax won’t work either – the last time I read about a possible gas tax, Gov. Rick Snyder said it would be around 14 cents extra per gallon. A lot of people grumble about what they see as big government, but I think it’s time to send Gov. Rick to Washington to get some cash. Michigan, with economically inspiring news here and there, is still way behind other states in recovering from The Great Recession. We just can’t pay any more than we are and continue the recovery.

• ·         Did you snicker, too, when the Republican-led Congress in Washington failed to pass a bill funding Homeland Security? We all thought Speaker John Boehner had his troops moving in lockstep – what an embarrassment for him to find that he was presiding over a bunch of splinter groups.

• ·         Do you think the local media should have better things to do than report on Geoffrey Fieger being snubbed for membership in the Detroit Athletic Club?

• ·         Are you looking forward to the release of Harper Lee’s new/old book? I know I am, but since most people don’t read books anymore, I don’t know what kind of reception Lee’s book will get. As for me, I’m rereading “To Kill a Mockingbird” right now and finding that it has withstood the test of time. The last time I read it was in high school.

• ·         Would you, too, like to know who’s really behind these seemingly benign tests that pop on Facebook? Everyone complains about their online privacy, yet it seems the complainers are the first ones to provide answers to “Which State Are You?” or “What’s Your Real Age?” and then happily publish the results. My God. Go read a book if you still can.

Handcuffs, nudity and shades of wanna-be Greys

So you think you know bondage, eh? Not bondage as in “Of Human Bondage,” but bondage along the lines of “I’m naked and I can’t get untied, honey. Honey?”

Woo-woo.

I find it amazing how many bondage and discipline (B&D) experts have popped up in the media just in time to review “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Movie reviewers in general don’t hold any sway with me. It’s easy to go to film school and then, without making a movie, tilt a beret and jump right into critiquing someone else’s work. Unless a movie is reviewed by a person who has made a movie and knows the difficulties and challenges involved, I don’t pay him or her any mind, and neither should you. You just encourage them.

I read five or six reviews of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” the movie that fell all over itself making money at the box office this weekend. The reviews were consistent and went something like this:

“The bondage was laughable. Nobody behaves like that in the bondage and discipline world. If they did, they’d be laughed out of the dungeon and into the street.

Really?

Such reviews imply, thickly, that the writer knows what he or she is writing about. It’s not unreasonable to expect a writer to know his or her subject matter. So did a coven (I’m fairly certain they travel in covens) of B&D experts conspire to put out reviews with the same faux-leather flavor?

Doubtful.

More likely than not, the movie hit too close to home for several reviewers who get the giggles just thinking about this stuff,  not to mention writing about it with one hand on their mouse and one hand on their mouse, as the late Robin Williams once said. That’s what happens when most of the nation would agree on a survey that, “I am a prude.”

I, personally, think the reviewers are all jealous of the protagonist and antagonist in the movie. They want to have a little fun, have a go, try it out, take it for a spin, run it up the flagpole (as it were), but their own prudish senses of behavior won’t let them.

What a shame, particularly as the rest of the world marches on into the 21^st century.

Tying up your significant other as a way to spice things up is old news in places like England and France. I read a brief Associated Press (AP) story yesterday about the London Fire Brigade issuing warnings about the movie. The story said the brigade had rescued 9 people so far in various stages of handcuffery and nudity.

And in France, the topic is so blasé that 12-year-olds are being allowed into theaters to watch the film, again according to the AP. Parents apparently aren’t worried about their children being irreparably harmed.

Before you get up on your high horse, consider this. “Fifty Shades of Grey” got a hard R rating. Movies like “Excalibur,” where a knight in King Arthur’s time is graphically impaled on a spear shortly after the movie begins, is rated PG.

Also, you might want to take a look at the video games children are playing. Grand Theft Auto, for instance, is all about raping women. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Watch a kid turn red when you ask to play the game all the way through with him.

What sort of society would you be most proud of: one that can tie a square knot or one that is numb to the violence of the streets, brought to you on the big screen by Hollywood?

Another bill that would try to limit voting

If we can all get our minds off the NFL and Deflatio for a moment, there’s a real problem to deal with.

It’s called Senate Bill 13, is sponsored by state Republican Senator Marty Knollenberg and if successful, would eliminate straight ticket voting in Michigan.

Straight ticket voting allows a voter to vote, with one check mark, for an entire party. If you vote straight ticket, you are saying you want all the members of Party X to win the offices they’re running for.

Republicans dislike straight ticket voting because it makes for easy voting. If you are a Democrat, one check mark lets you vote for all Democrats on the ballot. And if you live in Detroit, racism creeps into this bill.

Some state Republicans have long held that black people, particularly Detroit residents, are too stupid to read a ballot, hence the attractiveness of voting straight ticket.

Senator Knollenberg, the bill’s sponsor, says that’s a lie. Knollenberg says he’s sponsoring the bill because he believes people should know who they’re voting for, and not be able to cast a ballot that elects people just because they’re in a certain party.

Knollenberg represents state Senate District 13, which is 84 percent white.

Remember, these are the same Republicans who want to force you to have state identification of some sort, such as a driver’s license, to vote. Many people in Detroit don’t own cars because the insurance rates are so high, and therefore don’t have a driver’s license.

I say we should do everything possible to get a good voter turnout in any election. There’s nothing wrong with straight ticket voting. With politics as polarized as they are today, it isn’t likely a person will split his or her ticket very often anyway.

Voting a straight ticket has been a hot issue in other states, too. There are only 12 states in America that allow straight ticket voting. Georgia stands out as an example. That state abolished straight ticket voting in 1994. Some Democrats in Georgia are rethinking their position on that one, since the number of African American voters has dropped off, and the number of Democrats voted into office has dropped off, since straight ticket voting ceased.

Michigan, if straight ticket voting stays alive, would be in dubious company. Deep red states such as Kentucky, Iowa, Texas and Utah have kept straight ticket voting.

Knollenberg’s bill is just another transparent attempt to keep some people from voting, period. Low voter turnout is usually indicative of a Republican win around Detroit. Don’t let it happen. You can call Knollenberg at his office, 517-373-2523, and let him know what you think of Senate Bill 13.

Ad sucks, but product is cool

Woof.

A good idea with terrible marketing showed up on my Facebook page as an uninvited sponsored advertisement.

The product is called Voyce. On Facebook, the ad made it appear that Voyce was a collar you put on your dog in order to get to know your dog better. The collar transmits, via WIFI, your dog’s vital signs to your computer. From there, the ad said you’d get a better idea of your dog’s moods, such as whether the dog was happy or sad.

Pshaw, I thought. This sounded to me like a gadget for people who are tone deaf when it comes to dogs and probably other animals, too. Kind of a gadget for the instinct-deprived among us.

My immediate thought on reading the ad was that people who need a computer to tell them what mood their dog is in probably shouldn’t have a dog. Worse – those who would buy such a gadget probably aren’t spending enough time with their dog and are looking to Voyce to be their quality time substitute.

But when I punched Voyce into Google, I changed my mind.

Facebook ad aside, Voyce (

www.mydogsvoyce.com) is a clever, if costly, idea that was one of the darlings of the just-ended Consumer Electronics Show. This is a case where the product’s marketing is doing the product a disservice.

According to the website, putting a waterproof Voyce collar on your dog will, among other things, collect data on your puppy’s activity and rest levels, calories burned, heart rate and respiratory rate. Who needs all this information? Dog owners probably do, if they want to pay $299 for the collar and another $15/month for updates.

What good does all this data do? It could predict a heart attack, for one thing. You can download the data, store it and compare last week’s results with current results. Over time, you could actually learn something that even those with the best animal instincts can’t know.

(Voyce isn’t the only such device out there. There’s PetPace, Cleo, Whistle and Tagg, all at varying costs and all operating with the same idea. You can check them out on Google.)

If you’re looking for a way to justify the cost of Voyce or any of its aforementioned competitors, try this: The price of the collar alone is probably close to the cost of a visit to the veterinarian. Data printout in hand, you might be able to avoid the exorbitant costs of a vet running tests. I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent enough money with our local vet to build a new wing on his office.

If I were in charge of  i4C Innovations, the company behind Voyce, I’d think about bringing the price down and make it up in volume. I’d also lose the company that wrote the ad on Facebook. Other than that, this is a product very much worth considering.

Philip and his wife, Suzy, have two dogs and two cats, all rescue animals. Pictured: Stella, who is about to jump on Bella.

Things you ought to know by now

 

With the best intentions:

 

• Somewhere along the line, people stopped listening to their elders. That’s a mistake. Chances are they’ve already been through what you have yet to go through, and they’re happy to tell you if you’ll just accord them the courtesy of listening.

• Patience is a learned skill and the mark of a well-operating mind. Exploding in someone’s face tells everyone everything they need to know about you.
   
• Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is another idea that’s gone by the boards. These days, it’s fashionable to be quick to blame, as if assigning blame ever solved everything. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt shows you’re willing to take a risk. You can always retract your extension of good will later if it didn’t work out.
   
• If you are the recipient of an angry email, regardless of the topic, don’t answer it immediately. Think. In one of my corporate jobs I reported to a former monk who got out of the business because he wanted to start a family. He was a smart man. One of the things he taught us, regarding email, was to “sit on it for 24 hours.” You’ll come off sounding wiser, more measured and patient.
   
• In business, during a skirmish, never fire the first shot. However, don’t just sit there and take it, either. Defend yourself strongly, in a clean, above board, beyond reproach way. Once your opponent knows you’re not going to take it, he or she will back off.
   
• It is not chauvinistic to hold the door for someone, regardless of gender. It is polite.
   
• A friend of mine put it this way: “Don’t spend so much time looking in the rear view mirror. What’s done is done. Instead, notice how small the rear view mirror is in respect to the windshield. Stay focused on what’s coming up and you’ll have a better chance of getting it right.”
   
• Another friend, a Vietnam veteran, told me that you have to make your own luck. Don’t be afraid to improvise, innovate and generally step out of line if you think you’re being led down the wrong path.
   
• Learn to like yourself. That’s how you build confidence.
   
• Don’t abuse your friends on Facebook by using them for personal gain. Facebook wasn’t meant to play into the hands of the narcissist, yet I’m seeing a lot of it lately. Friends are just that – don’t forget it.
   
• Learn to be an active listener. If you can accurately repeat what someone just told you, it demonstrates you’re actually paying attention.
   
• And finally, don’t tell yourself “no.” Let someone else do that for you.

Shout out to a local shopkeeper

After last winter, I decided I’d shoveled enough snow for my lifetime.

I had never owned a snow blower, so, just to get an idea of what was on the market, I went to a Home Depot after work one day. I envisioned a big display and a knowledgeable sales rep.

My error.

Finding them in the store was easy. Everything else got harder as I went along.

The guy in the snow blower section may as well have been in the bathroom lighting section. I’d done a little reading about snow blowers on the Internet and asked him a couple questions. He didn’t know the answer to either and didn’t offer to refer me or find someone else who might be able to help me.

Still game, I asked him if I made a purchase, would someone be available to help me put it in my car?

His answer was something new to me. He said Home Depot rents small pickup trucks for $19.95 for 45 minutes. I could haul it home myself, somehow get it off the truck, stash it in the garage and then drive back, return the truck and pick up my car.

That just didn't sound very customer friendly to me. I left.

The next day after work, I went to Billings Lawn Equipment on Main Street in Royal Oak.

I anticipated prices would be marked up because it was a smaller store and didn’t have the buying power of a Home Depot.

My error.

A customer rep named Jack Lockman asked if he could do anything for me. Before I could ask him my two questions, Lockman asked me if I knew anything at all about snow blowers. I said no.

He then went into an explanation of each one on the floor and why they were priced the way they were. The prices were, in general, less than Home Depot’s. I decided on a Briggs & Stratton with an electric starter. It listed for $599.99, but I paid $529.99.

I asked how I was going to get it home, since it was too big to fit in my trunk.

The receptionist piped up and asked for my address. She also asked what would be a convenient time to have it delivered.

For free.

When it was delivered, the guy driving the truck gave me on on-the-spot course in how to start it, run it and maintain it. I know he had another delivery to make, but he was very kind, calm and made it seem as though he had nothing else to do.

So I was reminded again why I like to shop and spend dollars locally. I hope you've had the pleasure of learning the same lesson this holiday season. 

Legalizing religious discrimination

The Religious Freedom Restoration Act (House Bill 5958) passed on a 59-50 party line vote last week in Michigan. It was sponsored by Republican Speaker of the House Jase Bolger.

The act says any individual with a sincerely held religious belief can act on that belief without restraint. Many fear this means a return to putting religion before the law.

According to The Detroit Free Press, Bolger said the act will do none of the horrible things opponents will claim but merely protect people and their beliefs and practice of religion.

Bolger cited several examples of protections, from the baker who doesn't want to provide a wedding cake to same-sex marriage couple to the Jewish mother who doesn't want an autopsy on her son who died in a car crash. Both cited religious beliefs as reasons in their cases.

"This is not a license to discriminate," Bolger told The Detroit Free Press. "People simply want their government to allow them to practice their faith in peace."

I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t heard about this bill. With the exception of The Detroit Free Press, it’s been almost untouched by the local mainstream media.

It’s a pretty important bill you shouldn’t like. For that matter, you should worry about what will happen next if this bill gets through the state Senate and the governor signs it.

The Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) was originally signed into law in 1993 by, of all people, former President Bill Clinton. President Clinton signed it into law as a protective act for religious minorities. The Supreme Court held in 1997 that the federal act did not affect states, meaning each state had to pass the act individually (19 states have).

This is a case where well-intentioned legislation has been twisted to advance Republican efforts to put a bit of the church back into state politics.

Here’s how RFRA works, if it becomes law:

• A Catholic hospital could refuse admittance to anyone who needs a procedure that defies the hospital’s religious directives.
• A pharmacist with a sincerely held religious belief could refuse to dispense birth control pills.
• A landlord could evict a gay tenant.

Perhaps the most striking example comes from a staff attorney for the ACLU.

“In many religions, it’s OK for a man to beat his wife,” Brooke Tucker, staff attorney for the ACLU of Michigan, told MSNBC. “Based on the language in this bill, all he has to say is my religion allows me to do this.

We’ve already been through that. The First Amendment was written in part to protect against that.

If you don’t know who your state Senator is, check your voter registration card. It will tell you what district you’re in, and then you can look up your senator on Google. It's time to write him or her a letter, since this act is headed for the state Senate -- right now.

This is a bill that needs to be shot dead in its tracks. If it passes, look for our politicians, many of whom claim to be Christians but really don’t know the meaning of the word, to open the door for more laws to be based on religion.